Sunday, January 27, 2013

Where we are grateful.

We came to Oahu so Jeff could have a business meeting.
That's why we only stayed three days.
Saturday was our last day
and we found the most amazing place:
Hanauma Bay.
So beautiful!
Off to Maui.
Where the humpback whales frolic.
Where the road to Hana is narrow and winding.
Where the beaches are vast and beautiful.
Where the vistas are breathtaking.
It's where we LOVE to go
(well, we pretty much love going anywhere)!

Friday, January 18, 2013

A Study in Comparison.

May 2012

January 11, 2013
 We had our biggest snow storm last weekend!
Is it only January 18?

Here are some things I loved this week:
Lovely art on a matchbook!
A thoughtful, beautiful and touching post
on this bloggers experience 
with infertility and depression.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


He's just the same as before.
Nothing has changed
but two more words:
Schizoaffective Disorder.
There are still those two other words that we know so well:
Autism and Anxiety.
Those two new words come as no surprise.
Except for his.

The other night,
he asked me once again,
to tuck him in
and sit in his room as he
fights with the voices in his head
(some voices with words and some voices mumbled).
He lamented,
Isn't there a cure for Autism?
A wordless pause.
Hadn't you heard what the doctor said?
Did I not tell you what she said?
You've been hearing voices since you were ten.
He quickly corrected me
and said, "nine".
She says you also have Schizoaffective Disorder.
Another wordless pause, and he asks,
"What is that"? 
Another wordless pause
and a deep breath.
It's similar to Schizophrenia in many ways
but also with some mood problems too,
like depression.
"Well, that makes sense," he says.
Then he is quiet.
I know he is thinking this through 
and my heart drops to my stomach.
"I hate my life",
he cries out.
He says a few other hard to hear things
out of frustration, desperation 
and I guess, fear.
You are no different than you were last week.
Your medicine is the same.
The doctor thinks about you just the same.
She likes you just the same.
"But it changes what job I can have".
No it doesn't
(not that it won't be difficult,
we know it will be,
but it's his symptoms
---symptoms he has had for years---
that makes many things difficult,
not a diagnosis)
We still have to find a job for you that works,
just the same as before.
Everyone has to find a job that works just for them,
no matter what.
We talked about other things
he was worried about
until he was through.
I sat there just the same, 
as I frequently do,
until his breathing gets deeper and slower
and I know he is asleep.
I brush his hair with my hand,
 gently kiss his forehead and
 say those three words,
 that are just the same,
I love you.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Family Home Evening

Someone, or even more than that,
has been sick for the last several Mondays.
Last night we went and ate
at the Italian place.
Then we drove around like we didn't know
what was going on in three little towns.
To figure out where to eat
or what movie to see
or where to go
is like a complex strategy meeting
trying to deploy and manipulate our resources
in our remaining family organization of four.
I had a stroke.
Of genius.
Let's go bowling.
So we did!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Happy Anniversary!

When did I get old enough to be married for 27 years!
Past Anniversary Post here.
Reminder that marriage is hard work.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Finding Inspiration from Here and There...

I want to draw more, be more creative, and just be "more".
I got some art supplies in my Christmas stocking.
How did Santa know that's exactly what I wanted?
If I'm going to get any better at anything
doesn't it make sense to actually practice?
So, I did
(well, I started anyway).
I tried to draw from a couple of pictures I took
and make a card with a quote I love.
This quote I've been thinking about for a month.
 An inspirational young lady
 was tragically killed in a car accident.
She had this quote on her bulletin board.
I also have been thinking about
the many stories about bravery 
and the stories of small and large acts of kindness
for those affected 
(and to random strangers)
by the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.
This quote hit me in the heart
while I was watching "The Hobbit".
Gandalf says,
"Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check,
but that is not what I have found.
I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk 
that keep the darkness at bay.
Small acts of kindness and love.
That's what I want to remember.