Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Life and trying...

Some days, I don't handle some things in my life very well.
Lately I've been having too many of those days.
So, here I am, once again: trying, trying, trying.

Although, didn't Yoda say, "Do or do not, there is no try."

He was wrong.

Davis is doing mostly well, but at night when the voices (although, he doesn't want to call it that...sometimes, there are so many voices that it's hard to tell exactly what they say...he wants to call it noises)...when the noises are at the loudest and when his heart beats the hardest and his chest feels the tightest, he struggles the most.
We put a mattress on the floor of the living room because he wants to be closer to our room and he feels comforted by the fact that we are on the same level of the house. I have made that bed everyday for the last 2 weeks. We aren't going to push him to go back and sleep in his room. He will gladly go back and sleep in his room when he is ready, but for now it helps him to sleep, even though it's a struggle just to fall asleep. Most nights of his life he has asked me to tuck him in and lately not only does he want me to tuck him in but he also wants me to stay close by until he falls asleep.  He's 16.
The next day he is up and ready to take on the day. He goes to school and does his best to finish his work, he does his best to be happy; to make friends and talk and talk and ask hundreds of questions to the teachers. He comes home and works hard to find friends who will play. He busily will watch short Japanese cartoons. He will search the internet again and again for inventions of other people as he dreams and works for the day when one of his millions of ideas come to life. He cannot settle down until he gets tired (occasionally,  he will ask if he can go to bed early).  With that settling down comes quiet to his surroundings and the panic of what is going on in his head.
We are trying and trying to help him. Sometimes it works well and sometimes, it doesn't help enough and we keep on trying.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We all have our try and try again moments. Davis try's, this I've seen. Parents have the biggest struggles with trying, since we're too old to remember all the trials we had growing up. Only difference between us and Davis is he has a situation when, sometimes, the brain misfires leaving him with voices. He knows many things and wishes much, and has the spirit of adventure when all is well. Remember the moments of sharing ideas with him, helping, and loving your son is what he requires. He knows you try and that's what counts. Never look back to "What if's", remember, "What's now", and work from there. Keeping your faith in Davis and those around you will help sustain you and your husband in the future. We all know life is an adventure, with many twists and turns. Davis may turnout to have a Beautiful Mind.